


That's What He Always Does

by grandtheftLove



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Death, Drowning, M/M, Suicide, tragic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-06
Updated: 2013-06-06
Packaged: 2017-12-14 04:02:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/832491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grandtheftLove/pseuds/grandtheftLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam is irrational and doesn't think things through and now he's drowning himself because he can't live without Louis</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's What He Always Does

**Author's Note:**

> It's really short yea but it's the first Lilo I've ever actually finished so ya know.

Liam’s drowning. He’s really drowning. Not in some poetic, metaphorical, tragically romantic way, but really, truly gasping and screaming for air, looking for some sign of the surface. And it’s strangely and unfortunately peaceful, in the sickest kind of way. Yes, Liam can feel his lungs constricting and a pressure like his chest is going to explode, but the physical pain doesn’t matter. It’s over ridden by emotional pain, which is only blocked out by morbid beauty Liam sees. This world, deep under the rough waves that pound the shoreline, has a certain allurement that makes this death so aberrant and dreadful.

_It’s lovely down here_ , Liam thinks, _lovely_. It’s all blue hues and green shafts of light and a dark wall of purple on the side of Liam where the reef is. There are little yellow fish that swim out in front of his face and kiss his nose, bits of ocean plants that catch in his hair haloing out over his head. Hair that’s much too long, and would’ve hung in his eyes if the currents hadn’t caught it up. Liam had been meaning to cut it for ages now, but never gotten around to doing it. Well, more like, he never wanted to leave Louis’s side long enough to go to the barber shop. Maybe if he had….maybe if he’d given Louis more space.

Liam had been sorta-kinda-halfway living in Louis’s flat. It wasn’t technically official; Louis never actually asked Liam to move in, but most of Liam’s clothes had somehow managed to migrate into Louis’s dresser and some of his coffee mugs into the kitchen. Liam knew where he kept the spare key (under the pot with the weird cactus thing in it) and used it to walk in whenever he liked because Louis never really minded anyway, even before they were dating. Liam _meant_ to go back to his own house most nights, he really did, he swears, but he usually ended up falling into Louis’s bed half dressed, or not dressed at all depending on what they were doing that night. Louis had always just scooted him over a bit and tucked himself under Liam’s heavy arm. In return for letting him sleep there, Liam would try to make something that somewhat resembled breakfast. He’s not sure when it happened, but eventually making breakfast wasn’t returning a favor, it was just the way it was. It was expected, because that’s what he always does. That is, up until the day Louis called and invited Liam to the coffee shop. _Their_ coffee shop.

It’s the one by the ocean, the one that always has a light of dusting sand near the entryway, tracked in from people who’ve just come straight from the beach, with tea that always tastes a little bit salty; then again, everything around here tastes a bit like salt. Louis was already there when Liam showed up, sitting at one of the white wooden tables in the corner with his arms crossed over his chest. The café always looked sunny and warm, with its walls painted pretty and light blue, but the sight of Louis there, a sight Liam’s mind automatically connects with happiness, made it even better. Liam grinned and went to order drinks, because that’s what he always does.

Liam came back with the paper cups that made hollow clunks on the table when he set them down, and leaned forward to peck Louis on the cheek. That’s when he should’ve noticed it. Liam’s _knows_ he should’ve noticed it, how wrong Louis was acting, he _should’ve_ , but Liam had just pushed the way he turned away from his kiss, looked like he was about to be sick to his stomach, to the back of his mind. Thinking back on it now, Liam feels so naïve and stupidly innocent. Stupid. So stupid.

Louis wasted no time. Before Liam could even properly sit down, Louis cleared his throat and said “I can’t see you anymore.”

Everything seemed to go quiet. Liam knew it didn’t really, because he could still see people talking and laughing and being happy around them. Everything Liam wasn’t at the moment.

“Oh,” Liam said. “Okay.”

What else was there for him to say? Louis was still talking, making gestures with his hands, like he always does, the expression on his face solemn. He’s talking, but Liam wasn’t listening. He’s still processing, trying to understand the fact that Louis doesn’t want him.

“You can’t or you won’t,” Liam interrupted, surprising even himself.

Louis spluttered. “What?”

“You said you ‘can’t’ see me anymore.” Liam pushed hands on the table, his fingernails making crescent shaped indents in the soft wood. _Don’t cry Liam._ “I’m asking if you _can’t_ see me or you _won’t._ ”

Louis tilted his head down, knitting his eyebrows together. “I don’t know,” Louis says, in a weary and tired way, “Both I guess.”

If you were to ask Liam if drowning himself was on accident or on purpose, his answer would’ve been much the same as Louis’s; both. His feet, his _whole body_ , was numb as he walked away from the café. He wasn’t thinking about where he was going, only about Louis’s words.

_“I can’t be with you. I can’t and I won’t.”_

He walked in his trance like stupor, until cold water seeping through his trainers knocked him out of it. Liam had found his way to the water, the place where ocean meets land and washes old footprints smooth. Like a ghost, Liam walked forward into the water, like if he kept going, if he waded deep enough, he’d see Louis’s head bobbing out of the water, shaking the wet hair out of his eyes, smiling at Liam like he’s the sun and the stars and the moon all in one, like he always does. Something in the corner of Liam’s mind was telling him to walk farther, that he’d find the Louis who wants Liam, needs Liam, cares for Liam as much as Liam cares for Louis. He’d find the Louis who’d guide him to the warmest waters and plant salty kisses all over Liam’s face, cramming his hand down Liam’s soaked shorts, making him blush.

Liam would’ve shaken his head, chastised himself for thinking about someone who’s _not_ his anymore, _he’s not_ , but that’s when Liam realized the water was neck deep. Of course at that moment, with Liam’s luck, a wave came and knocked him over, pushing his head under. Liam gasped, sucking salt and ocean plants and cold water into his lungs. He hacked and coughed and tried to find some place to spit it out but of course there’s nowhere; everything around him was water. Liam couldn’t tell which way was up, though he fought and thrashed against the waves to try and break the surface.

_Louis will come for me, he’ll come and save me,_ Liam thought desperately, more than desperately, it’s his only hope. _That’s what he always does. He_ always _comes._

Then Liam realized. It hit him harder than any of the waves that dragged him yet farther and farther down. Louis won’t be coming. He doesn’t want Liam, doesn’t love him anymore. He won’t protect Liam anymore. They won’t protect each other.

That’s when drowning stopped being an accident.

Liam’s mind and vision are going hazy now, making all the pretty light shafts that filter through the water and the colorful fish look fuzzy. He knows he’s going to die, doesn’t really mind it either. Without Louis, Liam knows nothing. He is nothing. He wants nothing. So it only makes sense that Liam would die when Louis left his life. Liam is irrational and doesn't think things through and now he's drowning himself because he can't live without Louis. And he doesn’t care one bit.

_Lovely,_ Liam thinks again. He feels his body parts going numb one by one. The feeling like his chest is going to explode is gone. _Peaceful._ If Liam is crying, or his eyes watering, he would have no way of telling, not that it matters anyway. _Beautiful._

Liam’s oxygen starved brain must be hallucinating, because Liam sees the image of Louis, sharper and clearer than everything else, swimming slowly towards him.

_He came,_ Liam thinks, utterly content. _He always does_. With the slightest smile on his face, Liam closes his eyes, Louis’s golden face burned into the back of his lids, and his heart beats for the last time.

There’s not a more perfect way for Liam’s story to end.


End file.
